I recently returned from almost a month’s worth of traveling around the globe – a little Asia, some US Midwest, some island hopping, and a bit of the East Coast. Getting back to Oahu, one of the very first things I did was throw my 8-foot foamie in my car and head to the waves. There was nothing great, no giant clean waves (and it was pretty choppy), but it just felt good to be back in the water. It was late afternoon, hot, and beautiful. I intended to stretch a lot before heading out, especially after how many hours I had spent sitting in planes, but the ocean pulled me in inexorably. My leash was on, I had timed my entry so a return wave would carry me out the back, and I was off.

               I had been out about an hour, catching more waves than I cared to count. While many of my surf stories are from earlier in my journey, this one is from me at the eight-month mark. I am pretty handy catching them now and am moving on to trying to ride them well. That first hour or so, I had some great rides, practicing pumping and using the face for more fun and longer rides. I kept paddling farther and farther out as wave sets were transitioning farther from the beach, and soon I was out almost entirely alone, some two to three hundred yards from all the other surfers around. I watched as a wave began to form, and I was excited because she looked beautiful. I was excited. Stoked for the coming ride. Then I saw a shadow in the water.

               I have told you previously that I am terrified of sharks, and I cannot say that this actually was a shark (though the shadow was certainly shaped like it).My heart rate spiked and the only thing that went through my head was get out of here! Before you think that I am sharing a harrowing story of some massive shark, the dark shape in the water was only two to three feet in length, hardly a worrisome size even if it were a shark. Still, remember that beautiful wave that was on its way when I saw the movement in the water? It was still coming, and I angled for it. I wanted to catch it and ride it all the way to shore. I was panicked and trying to paddle normally, but my whole body was taut as a bowstring. My movements were awkward, and I caught my angle on the wave wrong. It picked me up, sunk the nose, and I pearled – which is slang for being sent over the front of the nose diving board into the water.

               I tried to gracefully, but quickly, get back on my board without too much splashing or panic. Sharks are attracted to panicked movements after all since it often indicates a wounded animal – something easy for the kill. Sharks, after all, are ambush predators. They go after the weak, the vulnerable, the alone.

               Another wave was coming, so I turned, and paddled, and was again at the wrong angle, but this time I didn’t pearl, I just missed my weight distrubution and lost the wave beneath me, falling over sideways. I scrambled again back on the board and continued paddling toward the shore, hoping to catch a wave. Hoping what I had seen was actually just a really big fish. I was overreacting, and I knew it. Fear had made me foolish. My first hour, I was confidently catching almost every wave I went for, and suddenly I couldn’t catch anything. I couldn’t paddle or balance well. I was a mess.

               How often are we the same in matters of faith? We think we’ve got it covered. We are building confidence. We are growing. Then, something brings us fear. Something small even. Something that we blow up in our own minds. Funny enough, when it comes to the things of God, even the largest most terrifying things of earth cannot remotely compare to the power that God has to protect us, yet still we fear. It is fitting that on Renewing Your Mind last week, R.C. Sproul’s sermon on Peter’s denial of Christ was played. I listened to it only this morning, and was struck by how similar this moment with the phantom shark (likely just a big fish) matched Peter’s denial in principle. Peter’s first denial in every gospel (Matthew 26:69-75, Mark 14:66-72, Luke 22:54-62, John 18:15-18 and 25-27) is to a young slave girl – the last person in the world he should fear. The young, women, and slaves were unlikely to be believed at that time, had no authority, and could threaten very little – yet Peter’s first denial is to one such as her. That’s all it takes for this serious stumbling to occur in the life of Peter, our honored elder brother in the faith of Christ.

               Who of us has not jumped at the shadows in the world in which we live, and suddenly lost our balance in faith – as if God could not make us stand? I have feared relationships, man’s opinion, health issues, threats, travel, change, and even my own dark heart. In the times of deepest fears I often flailed in faith, giving over to sin and stupidity. Perhaps you are the same. Perhaps you are as fearful as me, or maybe have great courage as a gift from the Lord. God was and is gracious in my fearful failures, overcoming them all with His faithfulness, and will be faithful to you as well as His child. Whether you have great courage or are a trembling coward like myself, the Lord is present and able to protect and guide you to His glory.

               I did not reach the shore, though I got quite close. I paused within a few paddle strokes of the beach, and I prayed. It was a quick prayer, so quick I don’t remember the words exactly. It was like an acknowledgment of God more than a thought-out speech. I surveyed the water, saw all the other people, watched the waves, and was reminded that there is no entering the ocean with guarantees of safety. Neither do we enter our daily lives with guarantee of safety. We do not enter this walk of faith with any guarantee of temporal safety either, in fact we are promised suffering and difficulty instead. I turned my board around and paddled back into the lineup. I caught quite a few more waves that day, and ended it with thankfulness.               

While we ought not be foolish and flagrant in our actions, needlessly endangering ourselves and others, neither can we be slaves to fear of any kind – for we serve the sovereign king who rules all things by His grace and might. “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba, Father!’” (Romans 8:15) Even the shadow of a fear can push us to folly, friends, but let us rejoice and engender a stronger fear in the Lord which is the building block of a stronger trust in Him as well, and keep pursuing Him in wholehearted devotion.